Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
