I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
