Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
