i'm signing you up for texting rehab
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
