Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The Olympian is in my bed
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
