Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
