i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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