I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize