I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
