Can i not drive my cunt home
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize