he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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