I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I have aggressive nipples.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
