Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I understand Curling. That high.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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