I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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