i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
