We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
