I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
