can we get nightvision for the apartment?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
