I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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