he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
