I wish I could teleport
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
