the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
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and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize