Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
