I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
