I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We had sex on a dog bed..
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
