I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
