Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry himynameismj hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(646): View more from New York

The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.

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(256): View more from Alabama

He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me

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(907): View more from Alaska

frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better

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(203): View more from Connecticut

im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning

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(314): View more from Missouri

I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook

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(516): View more from New York

Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on

(917): View more from New York City

Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.

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(248): View more from Michigan

Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.

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