Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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