I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
it's great music for shaving your balls
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Randomize
