she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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