You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I want a musical about memes.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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