Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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