girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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