if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
