erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
