My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Randomize
