we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
