I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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