Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
