Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
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No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
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So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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