i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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