sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
