I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
