So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
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I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
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You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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