Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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