why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
