bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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