I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
