saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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