I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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