For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Randomize