if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Randomize
