I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
