Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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