The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Come on in and take your pants off
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