last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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