And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
