I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
