Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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