Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
