Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
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