Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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