Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
