I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
she woke up with a sticky ear
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
