Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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