How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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